Small talk could sometimes be the enemy.
Especially when it comes to talk about people.
You find yourself telling Clarus more about Ephraim than you should.
Of course there’s nothing wrong if what you have to say is all good. The ill you say is what constitutes gossip.
Gossip is an anathema, and we distance ourselves from it.
I see how people swiftly reject the notion they could be considered gossipers, so even though gossip flies anyway, most of us aren’t bold enough to associate with its dissemination, and rightly so. Can’t be chestedly hugging nonsense.
The thing is when you smell Ill in Clarus’ behaviour, or when you think Clarus has wronged you, there’s probably an Ephraim you feel inclined to share stuff with.
And it’s cool if what you desire is to hear what Ephraim has to say on a neutral ground.
Also cool if you are ready to take Ephraim’s counsel/two-cents since you considered him worthy to be dialogued with.
The challenge comes when all you desire is for him to be blindly and illogically loyal to you.
I have seen people define loyalty as people’s inclination to gravitate towards their ideas as they disclose them, rather than offer any dissenting opinion.
This is why I even put the word ‘loyalty’ in this line of thought at all.
I have been all persons in this analogy at various times in my life; You, Clarus, and Ephraim. And I probably will still be.
That said, I think getting advise for our troubles with certain people from other people is best done by being hypotethical about the instances that resulted in the said troubles.
Well, ‘best’ is relative. I believe what I should have said is:
‘To avoid maligning people when we ultimately feel the urge to get third party opinions about them, we could resort to painting scenarios, removing ourselves from the equation. Then we can get mostly unbiased counsel/opinions.’
Because – truth be told –
our buddies sometimes don’t tell us all they need to, especially when they realize we are more interested in being supported than in being told their ideas of the truth.
See, If Clarus and Ephraim meet someday, get acquainted, and hit it off spectacularly (if they don’t already know each other), do you reckon your idle chatter with Clarus about Ephraim could put in a word for you as the good person you claim to be?
Unless of course, you aren’t even remotely interested in your overall image (which is completely okay too).
To each his own afterall.
Bottom line is that we all need to do better and be better.
We need to learn to present matters that hurt and affect us to others without existing entrenched bitterness.
We need to discourage people from using us as bins/channels for disposing trash about others.
Gossip will still fly anyway, but maybe like me, you prefer its propagation to be somewhere outside you as much as you can afford to. That won’t happen automatically just so you know. You’d have to take a stand.
I’m not asking you to be a better person. I’m only asking that you be a better friend to your friend(s).
Hope you found anything useful as you scanned through the lines?
I’d love to know your thoughts.